Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Bad Grammar Offends me.

I know I'm not the only person who would say this, and I'm not certain what I hope to accomplish with this blog entry. I suppose I don't really mean to accomplish anything.

So, how about another list of things that I don't like? I know how excited you are. (You do not need to be here, you know. There are other websites. If you go back to Facebook, I will forgive you.)

1) Unnecessary Quotes.

Unnecessary quotes make me think that the world is against me. They make me think that people dislike me, are mocking me, or are perhaps just misleading me about the situation at hand. Let's look at some examples!

Please put all "recyclable" goods in the bins.

S
weet. So, does this mean that the goods that are recyclable are up to my discretion? Can I just decide that cookies are "recyclable"? I mean, in a way, cookies are recyclable if I feed them to my dog. Is this a suggestion? Maybe I can toss anything in there. This bin just became so versatile. I am going to throw anything I want in there.

The school is closed today due to snow. "Thank you" for your understanding.


Wait, what?

Are you-are you mocking me, School? What is this? Yeah, sure guys. "You're welcome." So there!

Please remove all "boots" or "shoes" at the door.

Are you saying they could be anything else? What, am I not really wearing boots? Did someone replace my boots with alien creatures that resemble boots? Or are you mocking me again?

To clarify, quotes are used to establish a few things. They are used to establish that someone is talking, or that you are being sarcastic. If you put 'Thank You' in quotes, you are being a jerk. Maybe not purposely, but you are.

Stop that.


2) Apostrophes are used to show ownership. Not plurals.

I know that nobody cares. I am aware that the English language is changing with time and that people assume this means using apostrophes whenever the heck they want is totally fine. These people are wrong. Here are some specific examples.

Applause Video's

What is upsetting about this is that this is actually a name of a business. This place actually exists. These people actually printed a sign for their business and didn't even know that they were saying something so stupid.

So what I wanna know is this: Who is Applause Video? What does he own? What are you trying to say? Does he own the store? What?

Of course, I could be wrong. Maybe Applause is actually a reasonable individual who just happens to have opened a video store. But I doubt it.

I cannot shop at this video rental store based entirely on the premise that they cannot spell their name right. It makes me very, very sad.

I really like cat's.

Again, who is Cat? Cat's what? Do you not realize what you've done? Now I am going to stay awake trying to understand who this is. I'm very unhappy with you.

The Oatmeal has a great article that talks about apostrophe use. If you are confused, I would suggest you check it out.

3) The last thing I'm going to mention are talking in Caps.

TALKING IN CAPS IS WHEN YOU DO THIS.

What is wrong with this? All the coolest teenagers update all their livejournals like this, after all (do people still use livejournal? Am I still 'with it'? Maybe not.).

I once worked with someone who thought that writing entirely in capital letters was a good way to bring attention to a particular passage. I had a very hard time with this. This is not a good way to bring attention to something. Especially if it is an entire email written this way. Take this passage, for example:

'It is extremely important to get these reports on my desk by Thursday. Failure to do so will result in death by fire.'

Now, to me, this seems pretty severe already. I mean, I don't want to be lit on fire. That's scary. I am definitely going to write that report!

Now, what if we write it all in caps?:

IT IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO GET THESE REPORTS ON MY DESK BY THURSDAY. FAILURE TO DO SO WILL RESULT IN DEATH BY FIRE AND ALSO BROKEN EARDRUMS BECAUSE I WILL NOT STOP YELLING EVER EVER EVERRRR.

See? This is harsh even without the extra promise of shouting.

When you type in caps you look stupid. Not cool.


Anyway.

"Thank you" for reading MY BLOG. YOU ARE MY BEST "FRIEND'S" EVER.

-Christine

2 comments:

  1. I'd bring up the great your/you're controversy, but in the state your in, I'm afraid it would drive you to slit you're wrists.

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  2. See, you think I'm angry because of the caps. That's why you shouldn't use them.

    Also, I see what you did there. :P

    To be honest, most of these blog posts are written with me giggling like an idiot, which is why I write them to start with. It's all in good fun and I'm never all that serious. xD

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